I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
