am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
