She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
