Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
