And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize