Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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