So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish there were birth control emojis
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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