let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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