Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
