His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
