I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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