I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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