Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
