Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize