So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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