I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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