i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
