im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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