i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your cock deserves a montage
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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