im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
