i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
