Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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