remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
