the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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