i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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