where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
