paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
