It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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