Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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