Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think my moral compass just broke
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
