You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize