Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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