For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
