dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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