I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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