I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
