gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
where are my eyebrows?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
