Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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