I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
