i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
