I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
