my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I want is dick and wine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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