i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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