We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
