The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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