he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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