Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
