At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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