i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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