I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
