Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
