i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
