My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize