i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
