I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
