fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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