Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
