I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
