I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
