First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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