I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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