after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
