Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
