Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
