so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
