i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
