Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize