Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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