My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
