Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
