Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
